Well it's been a while since I blogged lots on my mind just not feeling like writing, does anyone else ever feel that why? Is it writer's block or just not really sure how to put it out there. Anyways quick update, Steve is still with me but they are monitoring him so I guess that is a good thing if they thought he was so evil they probably would have him taken our right away. He has not to my touch gotten any smaller so in two months we will see. I still say fuck you Steve!! I'm looking into eating habits as a method to be more healthy I do excersice but I still eat way worse than I should. So maybe that will make Steve go away.
My mom recently had a lump removed from her lungs they couldn't get it all of it because it was too close to her heart. The doctor that did the surgery stated that usually she knows if it is cancer immediately and my mom's didn't look like that so they aren't sure. We will know for sure on Thursday. My dad died of lung cancer but it was also started from cirrhosis in his liver from years of drinking abuse. My mom smoked for 35 years but she hasn't smoked in about 10 years I guess it doesn't always matter. I told her maybe we could do chemo together!
On to other things, marriage planning is going well except the church is dragging their feet. I wouldn't get married in a church but with my dad recently passing it met a lot to mom so I can compromise some things. Also, sometimes I am a sucker for tradition. It's weird how that happens I struggle so hard to be this tree hugging.....blah blah and yet I still find myself holding on to some strong traditional values that are very conservative in nature when I myself long to be so liberal. The man I am marrying is very conservative so it's funny sometimes to see us together with his conservatism and my liveralism. We make a good balance I think. I guess we will see, 53 days from now I will be Mrs. Chad Boylan. Oh from previous posts I have choosen to take his name.
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or conversly-that being a good person has to look like 'x' or to be spiritual has to look like 'x'.
again I say-BE TRUE TO YOURSELF.
oh wait-I guess my previous post (the one that was supposed to be above the one above...lol) got eaten.
anyway, what I said was that I got a lot happier with myself when I stopped A) trying to label myself and B) stopped deciding that being liberal must look like 'x' to be legitimate.
use what works for you, let go what doesn't, be true to yourself.
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